Cathexis

Word of the day
cathexis: investment of mental or emotional energy in a person, object, or idea

What does one do when all cathexis directed upon an idea of something that is loss to realization that it just won't work. How do you handle that conclusion? I don't. Where there's a will there's a way. Just keep swimming.

I hope I used the word correctly.

Harold Et Maude

Maude: I should like to change into a sunflower most of all. They're so tall and simple. What flower would you like to be?
Harold: I don't know. One of these, maybe.
Maude: Why do you say that?
Harold: Because they're all alike.
Maude: Oooh, but they're *not*. Look. See, some are smaller, some are fatter, some grow to the left, some to the right, some even have lost some petals. All *kinds* of observable differences. You see, Harold, I feel that much of the world's sorrow comes from people who are *this*,
[she points to a daisy]
Maude: yet allow themselves be treated as *that*.
[she gestures to a field of daisies]
Maude: [cut to a shot of a field of gravestones in a military cemetery]

Pittsburgh

Pittsburgh was lovely but there is still no place like New York. It only took two days for me to start feeling home sick. I ate a lot of food this weekend. My cousin took me to many buffet restaurants and he also took me bar hopping with his friends. The bars in Pittsburgh are alright but the people I was with made up for it. Honestly, it doesn't matter where you are, just as long as you're with good people. I have a lot of work to catch up on since I didn't do any school work like I had planned over my thanksgiving break. Also today is my birthday, but it doesn't feel like it because I celebrated two weeks ago. My friend Danielle made me a cake and bought me dinner. Her new apartment in the Upper West Side is gorgeous. I have some upcoming projects I will be working on that I am excited about! Me and Danielle are putting our heads together and will be calling our project 'A Slice of Style'...I will give more details sometime this week when we have it all up and running.

Happy Thanksgiving

Happy Thanksgiving every one! I have a lot of things to be thankful for, especially my wonderful family and friends. I hope every one enjoys today and eats lots of delicious food! Pittsburgh is very pretty and today I went to Church. I haven't been to Church since Christmas which is a shame because I live a block a way from one. The priests gave out blessed apples to all of us which was very nice. I will try and make more of an effort to go to Church. For awhile I wanted to be Buddhist ever since I did a project on the religion. If you've ever read the book Life of Pi, he practices three religions and his ultimate wish is just to love God. It's not common for someone to practice more then one religion but I don't find anything wrong with it. I think that in general we all have the same idea, which is to be a good person and not to do wrong to others.

Anyway, I have a big fat turkey waiting for me in the oven and some pumpkin pie!

I have been eating like a heffer lately, like tomorrow is the last day on earth. I need to chill because it is starting to show on my face. It doesn't help that its Thanksgiving in two days. I leave for Pittsburgh tomorrow and I'm really excited! Once Thanksgiving is over I am going to start exercising. I keep eating S'Mac. I am addicted to their cheeseburger mac and cheese. I ate sushi tonight with Jenna and I spent the duration of my day at Barns and Nobles reading Kafka on the Shore. So far so good. I could spend an entire day at Barns and Nobles. It's becoming one of my favorite places to be. I wish I could bring my bed there and spend all day sleeping in bed browsing all their books.

Hide Away

Listening to
Hideaway - Karen O and the Kids

You'll ask your reasons why
What once was yours is mine
My baby is gone

Li Hui

ML: You’ve taken a lot of portraits - but don’t seem to ever show faces. Why is this?

LH: I think people change their faces too fast in the real world. Sometimes there is no way of knowing their true feelings. But I just wanna know more about what’s going on inside of them and their body language tells me that. Besides, I am a really shy person, so it’s hard for me to focus on someone’s face.



Interview
Website

I love Hui's photos because it represents something mystical. It inspires a story created by my own understanding of what I see when I look at her photos and it plays with my imagination. 

"The pictures I took back then always bring back certain memories and remind me of a special person I met. It was during that time that I realized I was looking through the lens to capture everything that I care about. "

If you look at her website and click on about, she provides links to other interviews she's done. I loved reading all her interviews because the way she expresses herself is inspiring and relatable. I don't know her personally but after reading her interviews and then looking at her photos again, I felt like I could see a glimpse of her. 

Birthday Photos

I'm really bummed I didn't take that many photos last night. I was too busy being a hot mess. Note to self, never pregame on your own birthday especially not with wine. Also 675's cherry blossom drink is the bomb. One of my good friends bought me a corsage. It was so sweet of him and it made me look like it was my prom night haha.

Last night I celebrated my birthday even though my actual birthday is two weeks from now but I will be gone away in Pittsburgh. I had a lot of fun except I got drunk way too early and I don't remember much from that night. I celebrated it at 675 bar this year and I am so lucky to have good friends who made sure I got home safely. This morning was absolute hell and I woke up to a room that looked like a tornado flew in. My shirt was backwards and I had fake eyelashes hanging off my eyelids. I was a complete mess! At 11:30 today I saw Breaking Dawn and I absolutely loved it. I also loved that I only paid 7 dollars to see it. The fight scene was intense and I think the acting was a lot better in this one then the previous films in the saga. For lunch I ate S'Mac. I am addicted and I am so happy they opened close to my home. So far I tried the burger and buffalo chicken Mac & Cheese. It is so delicious. For dinner I ate at Penelope, one of my favorite cafes close to my home. I didn't like it so much tonight though and the waiter was anything but attentive to my table however I could understand since I was once a waitress and the restaurant was a little packed.

I was staring at the sky, just looking for a star to pray on, or wish on, or something like that
I was having a sweet fix of a daydream of a boy
Whose reality I knew, was a hopeless to be had
But then the dove of hope began its downward slope
And I believed for a moment that my chances
Were approaching to be grabbed
But as it came down near, so did a weary tear
I thought it was a bird, but it was just a paper bag

fiona apple - paper bag

“Spend your money on the things money can buy. Spend your time on the things money can’t buy.”

- Haruki Murakami, The Wind-Up Bird Chronicle 

I quit my job. I can't stand it anymore. Not enough money in the world could pay me to stand around and be bored out of my mind. This week sucked. I can't wait until school is over. I have so much to catch up on because I stupidly chose to work this semester. I spent the last two months with that brain dead job and I have nothing to show for it, not even a fat bank account. Weight has just been lifted off my shoulders now that I feel like I have more time to do things.

This weekend I finished the first season of The Walking Dead. Someone slap me in the face for taking this long to hop on that bandwagon. It is all that it is hyped up to be. I also roamed around Barns and Nobles this weekend. I think now that I am jobless I will be spending a lot of time there being a freeloader reading their books/magazines...starting with Haruki Murakami novels. I just enjoy being there over the library.

My birthday is coming up soon and I'm celebrating this coming Friday. I'm excited! I still haven't found a dress though. I looked at Forever 21, H&M, and Zara three times this week and NOTHING. Hopefully I find something but if I don't my best friend kindly offered one of her fabulous dresses.

Losing You

Here are some photos I took on my roof earlier today. The models are wearing Christa Louise scarves. This is for my video production assignment. My group has to make an infomercial and today me and my friend/groupmate shot a video. I like how it came out and on Thursday we will be producing a runway show of the scarves and ways to wear them. I don't really like this class and personally I am not great at making videos. I really suck at directing but my friend Paige is good at directing so the video we made today came out pretty good.

I am currently obsessed with this song:

Losing You - Solange

We used the beat in the beginning for the video we made today. I'll post it once all the editing is finished.

Lately I've been feeling as if my life is at a standstill. I have so much work I need to catch up on and I feel so stressed with the semester almost coming to an end. I really wish I could let go of my habit of doing everything last minute.